In His Arms

    As the year comes to an end I can't help but look back on what God has done in my life this past year. Around the same time last year I was still deciding on which university to go to and praying about whether or not that's what God has in store for me. Well He has defiantly taken me through a whole lot this past year. I don't think I've ever grown so much in a short period of time and I can't help but feel overwhelmed at the great things He has done for me. It's been a year of saying goodbye to a place I call home and saying hello to the place I've considered my home since I was a child. It was a year of great trials as well as transition moving to another country, learning in a different level and living alone for the first time in my life. Although it's been a hard year, most of which was constantly bombarded with lies from the enemy, I wouldn't change it for the world. Through all this I was able to see God's truth shine in the darkness. It gave me more proof on how faithful He is no matter how hard life gets. Throughout the year I ran from God, ran towards Him, fell into the ditch of lies, got up to follow His voice, stumbled through sin, was lifted up on His right hand, doubted in Him, and took leaps of Faith. It was an amazing journey every step of the way. I know that God made me go through all this for a reason, and I am beyond thankful for every experience that He has made me go through. It was definitely one of those rewarding experiences in life. I am thankful for everyone that has been a part of my life through this whole process, thank you for everyone who prayed for me through many challenges that I've faced, and I thank my faithful Heavenly Father for never leaving me like He promised in His love letter to me. His love for me is what got me through every hard situation, every fork in the road, and every dry valley. I've learned soo much through this year but one thing that stuck out to me the most is knowing that I can find everything in His arms. I can run to Him when I am weak, tired, discouraged, unhopeful, lonely, bored, depressed, and in need of someone to comfort me. He filled me overflowing with His love and just overwhelmed to see how He goes above and beyond anything I could ever expect. This is has been an amazing year, but there are seasons for everything and this season of my life is about to come to an end. As another year starts I am excited to see what God is going to do in my life. I want to see how the God of the impossible moves and what He will do this coming year. No matter where I'll be, no matter where I'll end up, no matter where God wants to take me one thing I know for sure is that I want to continue to dwell on His presence, and be filled with the Holy Spirit all the time. I know hard times will come again, but I know where to look for my peace in the midts of the storm. This is my New Year's resolution, and I am not going to back down when I become weary in the battle. I'll keep fighting for what is right and true, and use this past season as a testimony to others and encouragement to myself this coming year. Happy New Year to Everyone! May each of you be excited for the new chapter God is going to write about your lives!

Much Love,

Marie

It’s Only by Grace

    As most of you know, I am here in the Philippines spending the holidays with my family. I was looking forward to all the fun I was going to have when I got home, but the preparation before hand was anything but fun. First of all for some weird reason some of my professors decided that my essays would be due four days before Christmas. So I had make sure I was all packed, getting the stuff I wasn't taking with me to my Aunt's house, hang out with friends that I won't be able to see in the next few months and run small errands like mailing a package and returning a book I borrowed at the library. Well as the days came closer I didn't feel like I had any sort of deadlines but enjoyed each min. So a day before I had to leave I freaked out knowing that I had an essay due at midnight, I wasn't fully packed yet, and hadn't run all the errands that I meant to do before the day I left. I was starting to count the mins till making sure every min counted when writing my essay. But then my friend from Egypt called who so happened to be in Korea and wanted to hang out. I told her I was leaving the next day, so we had to hang out before I left. The schedule that I planned out in my head was changed in an instant and I have to figure out how to do everything I needed to do before I had to get on a plane later that night. The first thing I had to do was get some of the stuff I had in my room that I wasn't taking, to my Aunt's house. So I got most of the stuff packed and took a cab to another city. It took about an hour to get there cuz of the traffic which made me pretty disappointed cuz of how big the taxi fee was, but then I just let it go cuz I had bigger things in mind. So I got to my aunt's house then dropped off all my stuff. I was soo glad not having to carry all those clothes and baskets along with me. But I didn't have much time to feeling satisfied with not having to carry around luggage cuz when I looked at my watch it was almost time to meet my friend Yuna from Egypt! We had planned to meet near my university and I wasn't even on the subway heading towards it. So I rushed to get back, thankfully only to hear that she wasn't anywhere near yet. So I decided to leave take my suitcase back home and just come back to the station. She got there about the time I was heading back so we had dinner with her cousin. It was great having a piece of Egypt back! It felt like home somehow. Well to make things more complicated I wanted to hang out with some of my friends and a professor too. But it was almost 8 o'clock and I haven't looked at my essay in days. So after taking Yuna and her cousin to the station I ran to the place my friends and a professor was hanging out just to say hi then ran back home to start working on my essay. By the grace of God I was able to finish it and edit it all in an hour and a half giving me time to hang out with some of my friends I wouldn't be able to see for the next two months. That ended my crazy day before leaving for home but it was just the beginning of my oh so stressful yet amazing day.

    In the morning of my departure I was still not packed. My room was STILL full of stuff everywhere. I had no idea how to be able to pack everything and still have breakfast, lunch, and dinner with different friends at the same time run errands in between. Thankfully my friend Amy called asking if I needed help. She was a tremendous help in the whole packing process and was willing to take in all my books and a few of my things too! The process was soo fast that I was able to go and have breakfast with my other friends! I enjoyed breakfast with my friends then went to the library to return my book then headed off for lunch with my girls! :D It was the last time for the year 2010 that we would be able to have lunch together like that, and I enjoyed every min. of it. After lunch I had to go back home and give Amy the rest of my stuff that she wasn't able to get the first time and head to the post office to mail a package. But the lines at the post office were long! I felt like it would be impossible to get a few more things for my family and pack it and have dinner with Jisu. I kept praying asking for a miracle for the lines to go faster but it was no use…it felt like a min was an hour. But by the Grace of God someone from my Christian fellowship found me and said "hi". I couldn't recognize her but she knew me, and told me we were in the same fellowship. I said hi back and apologized for not recognizing her, and told her my situation. She was willing to help out and wait in line to send my package for me. I was sooo thankful! I couldn't believe how amazingly God works! Then I headed home and Jisu called and helped me repack, it totally saved a lot of space in my luggage! Then we had dinner and it was almost time to go. I kept thanking her cuz she was willing to help me through all that and took a few of my things too cuz I didn't have enough space in my luggage. She even helped me to the bus carrying my heavy bags! Thanks Jisu! :) Then when I got to the airport I seriously couldn't find my gate number I was soo lost and confused, but by the grace of God a few nice people told me where to go when I asked them. I apparently was standing in the wrong line though sooo I waited an hour later until someone told me that wasn't the right line. My flight was leaving soon and I was getting all panicey. Only to find out I had excess language by like 12kg! Thankfully I had money but it wasn't enough. I had no other choice but to beg someone for money. Thankfully by the Grace of God a nice man was willing to give me 20 bucks to help cover it. At this point I was soo stressed out and exhausted, both physically and mentally. I kept praying through the whole process asking God each step of the way to guide me. And He did. I remember asking Him why I had to go through soo much even to the very last day of my stay in Korea and all I heard Him say that even till the very last moment He wanted me to rely on Him. Cuz when I go back home I'll be relying on my parents for my money, and a lot of other things instead of God. I knew it was going to be different and I'd be more comfortable. But despite all the crazy things that happened in my travels I am glad God made me go through it, cuz it was a great reminder on relying on Him till the very last min.

So it's that Time of Year.

It’s that time where people pull out a plastic tree from the attic, open up the boxes of ornaments, decorate their home with lights, and bake cookies to fit the occasion. It’s the time of year where families gather around sipping hot coca while watching the snow fall, enjoying dinners together and interacting in small talk seeing how each family member has been since they last saw them. It’s that time where people are somehow filled with joy either from the presence of family members or the unexplainable feeling they get when they see snow falling. Either way it is that time of year where everyone enjoys the holiday season with people they love and care about.

I always loved this time of year, no school, baking cookies, making cards and filling them with tons of little glittery stars, watching endless Christmas movies with my brothers, going ice skating, helping my family prepare for the parties we are hosting, drinking hot coca with them out on our balcony, those kinds of things. It was those things that I took pretty much for granted when I was with them, but oh how I long to be doing all that with them again. It seems that as much as this time of year can be a great time to spend time with family and friends it can also be one of the loneliest times for others. I used to always think, it couldn’t get that bad, but now having experienced it myself I can understand what they meant. Having finals don’t help either. I have to focus on writing papers and studying for tests when all I could think about was the things I would do with my family once I get home. My brain already traveled to the Philippines without me and was already on its vacation. I know I have to push through just a few more days, being with my family isn’t too far away. But it’s hard to focus when you’re feeling so lonely and long to go back home. I tried filling my time with other things to do like watching random YouTube videos, chatting with my friends, skypeing one of my best friends in Sudan (hi Lauren! :P), or spending the morning trying to clean my room at the same time skype call friends who are about to go to bed. I kept doing other things avoiding doing my papers cuz I knew that once I started the loneliness feeling would sink in and I would miss my family all the more. Then there came a time where I had nothing to do, but to start studying and writing my papers cuz I was running out of time. Like I expected the loneliness seeped through. I just sat there starting to miss my family and friends; wishing I could be there with them decorating the tree or attending Christmas parties, helping out at the Christmas Bazar, making Christmas cards with the kids I babysat, baking cookies with my brothers, and just chilling with friends. I stared at the seemingly empty wall right before me lacking Christmas decorations or any decorations for that matter cuz I am in the middle of packing all my stuff to head out and realized that this is how David, Joseph, and a lot of the characters from the Bible must have felt. When their enemies were after their lives, when they felt all alone, when all seemed so hopeless…what did they do? They turned to God for peace, for hope, for rest, and for security. They knew that no one else in this world could fulfill that longing inside of them when the tough situations arised. They just cried out to God, they let Him know of their every fear and emotion. They knew that God would hear their cries and would satisfy every little bit of them, for He is more than enough for us. So looking at my Bible heroes and what they did in those moments, I just gave it all to God. I told Him everything that was going on in my heart, the hurt I felt for not being with my family. After just laying it all down before Him, I felt peace. It was as simple as a daughter running to her father when she was hurt. It was just the feeling of knowing that He was right there with me comforting me when everyone else I relied on wasn’t there. It was basically God saying “Just cuz everyone else is with family doesn’t mean you aren’t.” and I knew that He was my family no matter where I go, no matter how lonely I felt I would never be alone. :)