In His Arms

    As the year comes to an end I can't help but look back on what God has done in my life this past year. Around the same time last year I was still deciding on which university to go to and praying about whether or not that's what God has in store for me. Well He has defiantly taken me through a whole lot this past year. I don't think I've ever grown so much in a short period of time and I can't help but feel overwhelmed at the great things He has done for me. It's been a year of saying goodbye to a place I call home and saying hello to the place I've considered my home since I was a child. It was a year of great trials as well as transition moving to another country, learning in a different level and living alone for the first time in my life. Although it's been a hard year, most of which was constantly bombarded with lies from the enemy, I wouldn't change it for the world. Through all this I was able to see God's truth shine in the darkness. It gave me more proof on how faithful He is no matter how hard life gets. Throughout the year I ran from God, ran towards Him, fell into the ditch of lies, got up to follow His voice, stumbled through sin, was lifted up on His right hand, doubted in Him, and took leaps of Faith. It was an amazing journey every step of the way. I know that God made me go through all this for a reason, and I am beyond thankful for every experience that He has made me go through. It was definitely one of those rewarding experiences in life. I am thankful for everyone that has been a part of my life through this whole process, thank you for everyone who prayed for me through many challenges that I've faced, and I thank my faithful Heavenly Father for never leaving me like He promised in His love letter to me. His love for me is what got me through every hard situation, every fork in the road, and every dry valley. I've learned soo much through this year but one thing that stuck out to me the most is knowing that I can find everything in His arms. I can run to Him when I am weak, tired, discouraged, unhopeful, lonely, bored, depressed, and in need of someone to comfort me. He filled me overflowing with His love and just overwhelmed to see how He goes above and beyond anything I could ever expect. This is has been an amazing year, but there are seasons for everything and this season of my life is about to come to an end. As another year starts I am excited to see what God is going to do in my life. I want to see how the God of the impossible moves and what He will do this coming year. No matter where I'll be, no matter where I'll end up, no matter where God wants to take me one thing I know for sure is that I want to continue to dwell on His presence, and be filled with the Holy Spirit all the time. I know hard times will come again, but I know where to look for my peace in the midts of the storm. This is my New Year's resolution, and I am not going to back down when I become weary in the battle. I'll keep fighting for what is right and true, and use this past season as a testimony to others and encouragement to myself this coming year. Happy New Year to Everyone! May each of you be excited for the new chapter God is going to write about your lives!

Much Love,

Marie

It’s Only by Grace

    As most of you know, I am here in the Philippines spending the holidays with my family. I was looking forward to all the fun I was going to have when I got home, but the preparation before hand was anything but fun. First of all for some weird reason some of my professors decided that my essays would be due four days before Christmas. So I had make sure I was all packed, getting the stuff I wasn't taking with me to my Aunt's house, hang out with friends that I won't be able to see in the next few months and run small errands like mailing a package and returning a book I borrowed at the library. Well as the days came closer I didn't feel like I had any sort of deadlines but enjoyed each min. So a day before I had to leave I freaked out knowing that I had an essay due at midnight, I wasn't fully packed yet, and hadn't run all the errands that I meant to do before the day I left. I was starting to count the mins till making sure every min counted when writing my essay. But then my friend from Egypt called who so happened to be in Korea and wanted to hang out. I told her I was leaving the next day, so we had to hang out before I left. The schedule that I planned out in my head was changed in an instant and I have to figure out how to do everything I needed to do before I had to get on a plane later that night. The first thing I had to do was get some of the stuff I had in my room that I wasn't taking, to my Aunt's house. So I got most of the stuff packed and took a cab to another city. It took about an hour to get there cuz of the traffic which made me pretty disappointed cuz of how big the taxi fee was, but then I just let it go cuz I had bigger things in mind. So I got to my aunt's house then dropped off all my stuff. I was soo glad not having to carry all those clothes and baskets along with me. But I didn't have much time to feeling satisfied with not having to carry around luggage cuz when I looked at my watch it was almost time to meet my friend Yuna from Egypt! We had planned to meet near my university and I wasn't even on the subway heading towards it. So I rushed to get back, thankfully only to hear that she wasn't anywhere near yet. So I decided to leave take my suitcase back home and just come back to the station. She got there about the time I was heading back so we had dinner with her cousin. It was great having a piece of Egypt back! It felt like home somehow. Well to make things more complicated I wanted to hang out with some of my friends and a professor too. But it was almost 8 o'clock and I haven't looked at my essay in days. So after taking Yuna and her cousin to the station I ran to the place my friends and a professor was hanging out just to say hi then ran back home to start working on my essay. By the grace of God I was able to finish it and edit it all in an hour and a half giving me time to hang out with some of my friends I wouldn't be able to see for the next two months. That ended my crazy day before leaving for home but it was just the beginning of my oh so stressful yet amazing day.

    In the morning of my departure I was still not packed. My room was STILL full of stuff everywhere. I had no idea how to be able to pack everything and still have breakfast, lunch, and dinner with different friends at the same time run errands in between. Thankfully my friend Amy called asking if I needed help. She was a tremendous help in the whole packing process and was willing to take in all my books and a few of my things too! The process was soo fast that I was able to go and have breakfast with my other friends! I enjoyed breakfast with my friends then went to the library to return my book then headed off for lunch with my girls! :D It was the last time for the year 2010 that we would be able to have lunch together like that, and I enjoyed every min. of it. After lunch I had to go back home and give Amy the rest of my stuff that she wasn't able to get the first time and head to the post office to mail a package. But the lines at the post office were long! I felt like it would be impossible to get a few more things for my family and pack it and have dinner with Jisu. I kept praying asking for a miracle for the lines to go faster but it was no use…it felt like a min was an hour. But by the Grace of God someone from my Christian fellowship found me and said "hi". I couldn't recognize her but she knew me, and told me we were in the same fellowship. I said hi back and apologized for not recognizing her, and told her my situation. She was willing to help out and wait in line to send my package for me. I was sooo thankful! I couldn't believe how amazingly God works! Then I headed home and Jisu called and helped me repack, it totally saved a lot of space in my luggage! Then we had dinner and it was almost time to go. I kept thanking her cuz she was willing to help me through all that and took a few of my things too cuz I didn't have enough space in my luggage. She even helped me to the bus carrying my heavy bags! Thanks Jisu! :) Then when I got to the airport I seriously couldn't find my gate number I was soo lost and confused, but by the grace of God a few nice people told me where to go when I asked them. I apparently was standing in the wrong line though sooo I waited an hour later until someone told me that wasn't the right line. My flight was leaving soon and I was getting all panicey. Only to find out I had excess language by like 12kg! Thankfully I had money but it wasn't enough. I had no other choice but to beg someone for money. Thankfully by the Grace of God a nice man was willing to give me 20 bucks to help cover it. At this point I was soo stressed out and exhausted, both physically and mentally. I kept praying through the whole process asking God each step of the way to guide me. And He did. I remember asking Him why I had to go through soo much even to the very last day of my stay in Korea and all I heard Him say that even till the very last moment He wanted me to rely on Him. Cuz when I go back home I'll be relying on my parents for my money, and a lot of other things instead of God. I knew it was going to be different and I'd be more comfortable. But despite all the crazy things that happened in my travels I am glad God made me go through it, cuz it was a great reminder on relying on Him till the very last min.

So it's that Time of Year.

It’s that time where people pull out a plastic tree from the attic, open up the boxes of ornaments, decorate their home with lights, and bake cookies to fit the occasion. It’s the time of year where families gather around sipping hot coca while watching the snow fall, enjoying dinners together and interacting in small talk seeing how each family member has been since they last saw them. It’s that time where people are somehow filled with joy either from the presence of family members or the unexplainable feeling they get when they see snow falling. Either way it is that time of year where everyone enjoys the holiday season with people they love and care about.

I always loved this time of year, no school, baking cookies, making cards and filling them with tons of little glittery stars, watching endless Christmas movies with my brothers, going ice skating, helping my family prepare for the parties we are hosting, drinking hot coca with them out on our balcony, those kinds of things. It was those things that I took pretty much for granted when I was with them, but oh how I long to be doing all that with them again. It seems that as much as this time of year can be a great time to spend time with family and friends it can also be one of the loneliest times for others. I used to always think, it couldn’t get that bad, but now having experienced it myself I can understand what they meant. Having finals don’t help either. I have to focus on writing papers and studying for tests when all I could think about was the things I would do with my family once I get home. My brain already traveled to the Philippines without me and was already on its vacation. I know I have to push through just a few more days, being with my family isn’t too far away. But it’s hard to focus when you’re feeling so lonely and long to go back home. I tried filling my time with other things to do like watching random YouTube videos, chatting with my friends, skypeing one of my best friends in Sudan (hi Lauren! :P), or spending the morning trying to clean my room at the same time skype call friends who are about to go to bed. I kept doing other things avoiding doing my papers cuz I knew that once I started the loneliness feeling would sink in and I would miss my family all the more. Then there came a time where I had nothing to do, but to start studying and writing my papers cuz I was running out of time. Like I expected the loneliness seeped through. I just sat there starting to miss my family and friends; wishing I could be there with them decorating the tree or attending Christmas parties, helping out at the Christmas Bazar, making Christmas cards with the kids I babysat, baking cookies with my brothers, and just chilling with friends. I stared at the seemingly empty wall right before me lacking Christmas decorations or any decorations for that matter cuz I am in the middle of packing all my stuff to head out and realized that this is how David, Joseph, and a lot of the characters from the Bible must have felt. When their enemies were after their lives, when they felt all alone, when all seemed so hopeless…what did they do? They turned to God for peace, for hope, for rest, and for security. They knew that no one else in this world could fulfill that longing inside of them when the tough situations arised. They just cried out to God, they let Him know of their every fear and emotion. They knew that God would hear their cries and would satisfy every little bit of them, for He is more than enough for us. So looking at my Bible heroes and what they did in those moments, I just gave it all to God. I told Him everything that was going on in my heart, the hurt I felt for not being with my family. After just laying it all down before Him, I felt peace. It was as simple as a daughter running to her father when she was hurt. It was just the feeling of knowing that He was right there with me comforting me when everyone else I relied on wasn’t there. It was basically God saying “Just cuz everyone else is with family doesn’t mean you aren’t.” and I knew that He was my family no matter where I go, no matter how lonely I felt I would never be alone. :)

Papers Papers and more Papers!

For most of you who have actually experienced college, it's not always fun and games. I've heard about what happens with the amount of school work students had to do or the fun things they did during this point in their life, but hearing things and experiencing things are two totally different things. I used to get so pumped up thinking about living on my own, making my own decisions, and choosing to do what I want to do when I wanted. After being in college just a few months I'm starting to realize the intense work that comes with it. Having to make my own decisions wasn't always fun. It sometimes meant that I had to be responsible for my actions. It was fun at first to hang out with my new friends and enjoy the newly found freedom that came with being a college freshman, but a few weeks down the line the work started to become more intense as each day passed I found myself doing thing I have never thought I would do before. I am such a morning person I love the mornings and I am up and ready for the day, but pulling all nighters constantly just to finish papers made me value every bit of sleep I could get. I would take naps between classes just to make sure I had enough energy to function for the other half of the day and enough strength to stay up to write papers. But I've observed something in the past few weeks after going through the routine of things every week. I remember being constantly exhausted through the whole day walking around the campus like a zombie not really fully aware of what I was doing or what was going on around me. I felt delirious, not really learning anything cuz of my lack of sleep. It was awful! I remember being soo tired to the point I would stand in front of my door for a solid three minuets trying to remember what I was going to do next (which was lock my room.)

I feel like that's what our Spiritual life is sometimes like. We are trying to keep ourselves busy going to youth group, going to church, doing Bible study, volunteering for different ministries, going on mission trips, etc… Not that those are bad things, but sometimes those are what drains us from truly experiencing God. We are so busy that we walk around this world like zombies that are physically present but not fully aware of what God is doing or teaching us. That's something God has been teaching me these days. I am constantly on the run scheduling every minute of my life not even having time to process anything let along actually have time to stop and talk to God. It's so hard to go about life doing what I am suppose to do and have time to talk to God throughout my day. But I know that has to change. Just like in any relationship, I would pick up a phone call in the middle of my busy schedule just to talk to someone I care about. And that's the way I have to treat my relationship with Christ. I would stop what I am doing through the day just to hear His voice. Cuz I know that so many of the things I do keep me from Him when my initial intention was to do these things FOR Him. The paper can wait a little while; my schedule can alter, and my nap can wait just so that I can spend some time with my Lover, my Savior, and Friend. For I know I can't find fulfillment and strength in anything else but Him alone. J

A Week Full of Joy

Recently I have been thinking a lot about how God moves in not only my life, but the lives of others around me. As I walked through our beautiful campus looking at the red and yellow leaves that covered my surroundings I began to realize how each tree knew what to do as the weather changes. They each knew their purpose for each season in their life and didn't question God about it. They we designed by their Creator with a reason and they will do what they were called to do through their life span. Each tree knows how important each season is in their growth. Even though winter comes and to the eyes of man it looks dead, but internally it is preparing for the beauty that will be reveled in the spring.

Many times in our Christian walk we think that just because we are going through a hard time means that we are doing something wrong, or we haven't done enough. And often times we forget that God allows those hard times to happen to us so that we can grow. I find myself thinking about each trial I've had to face in the past and how because of it made me stronger over time. God knew I needed to go through that in order to be ready for what is to come. It was definitely confusing and painful when I was going through it, but looking back I knew it was necessary. He doesn't give us trials to punish us or just to watch our lives crumble into a million pieces, He gave us that season for a reason. We just have to trust that He is holding our future and that He will never harm us but to give us hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11). Though I've been struggling a lot ever since I came to college I know that God will use it for my benefit in the future.

For some reasons these days, I started to think that what the Bible says about God being close to the brokenhearted and crushed in Spirit (Psalm 34:18). As I look at my journey here, my respond to the trials I faced wasn't exactly glorifying to God. I remember trying to hold on to friendships or anything else besides God just to take my mind off the pain I was going through. It wasn't until this week where that verse hit me right in the face. I know that God would be near me when the hard times came along, but it was more of something people told you just to cheer you up. It wasn't till this week that I truly encountered God really being close when I was so stressed out with school and things. To be honest last week was probably the most stressful week I've had since I got to college, just because all my due dates were all clumped together, yet I have never felt so much peace and joy ever since I've been here. Earlier this week at college fellowship they encouraged just be broken before the Lord and be in the place of utter surrender before Him. As the speaker talked about how we Christians sometimes begin to believe what the world has told us and we end up forgetting our true identity in Christ through the process, it hit home for me. I looked back on the past few weeks of being here in college and how I began to believe these lies just because I wasn't in an environment I was used to. And in the process forgetting who Christ made me. It was during that broken state where I just lifted up to Him all my burdens and fears that I felt true Joy and Peace that lasted through my week. Each day as I woke up I gave up my day to Him. Even if it was a small frustration I had over small things in life I cried out to Him. And because of that I was able to hear Him so much more clearly than I used to. I was filled with so much Joy and Peace throughout the week it was unexplainable. I stayed up two nights in a row writing papers yet I felt no fatigue the next day at all! And I had to do so many readings for all my classes that week yet God gave me the strength to read everything I needed to and come to class prepared each time! God is truly amazing; He continues surpassing all my expectations beyond anything I can imagine. I am so thankful for this week and everything that has come from it.

Then it got me thinking more of what He wanted me to do here, cuz for most of my life God has always told me to go out into the world and share the Good News with other people, which I did, but right now I strongly feel that God wants to just come into His presence and just grow in Him. A friend once told me of a sermon his Pastor talked about a few weeks back. He used a metaphor about hunting to get through to his point. He said that there are only two orders the hunting dog receives: "Go" and "Come" and both of those are equally as important. When the dog goes before the Master says "Go" it will frighten the pray away, and if the dog doesn't come back when the Master says "Come" neither of them can benefit from the hunt. So what I am saying is that it is both bad which way you look at it if the dog doesn't obey. Then the Pastor relates the dog to us Christians. He says that it is just as important for us to "Go" out into the world and preach the Gospel as to "Come" before the Lord and just grow in Him. I felt that God just wants me to grow in Him in this season of my life. Cuz I know that He will bring forth good for those who obey Him and I can trust in that promise. So when life gets hard or the bad things in life never seem to end, give it to God and just come before His presence and I can guarantee you it is truly the most fulfilling thing you could ever experience. :)

Photo by: Luong Thuy Phuong Linh

Beyond Overwhelmed

    As most of you know my journey to college wasn't exactly a smooth transition; yet in all my brokenness God still used me for His Kingdom. I felt alone in my struggles it seemed like everyone else around me had it "all together". It wasn't until a few weeks later I got to know three other girls who were going through just as much of a hard time as me. Together we hung out and began to develop friendships. One of the girls was actually a Christian to my surprise and together we prayed for each other in hard times. Besides her I was also supported by the college fellowship I had here on campus each week. I knew that God was working in my heart as I interacted with people there as well. Each week He brought a new perspective in my walk with Him. He allowed me to see areas I needed to work on and how much He loves me despite all that I have done.

Though hard times came, God used the support of people around me and gave me strength to overcome it all. I was still processing in everything that happened from the retreat over the weekend trying to see what simple things I can begin doing to deepen my relationship with God. I felt like I was still soaking in every little thing that happened over the past three days. I woke up Tuesday morning going through the normal routine for the day getting up, getting ready for school, going to class that kind of thing. It was basically like any normal day, nothing out of the ordinary except being filled with SO much JOY from the retreat. I continued to think about the things we talked about and the prayers that have been prayed over me. It definitely kept a smile on my face through the day. As usual after our Korean class my girl friends and I headed out to get dinner. We always did this on Tuesday nights then by seven o'clock we all go our separate ways and I would head off to my youth fellowship. On that particular day we saw some of the guys from the fellowship eating there. I greeted them as they walked to their separate tables. So the girls and I had our "normal" girl talk conversations (whatever normal really means in our little world of UIC students, ok it was more like tons of inside jokes and laughter every few seconds) while having dinner. I love having girl times; it's just fun being able to just talk and just chill like that especially after a long day of classes. After dinner as we headed out I waved goodbye to the guys from the fellowship as the girls and I walked to leave. Not long after we left the cafeteria one of the guys ran after us asking if we were going to the fellowship meeting that night. I told him that I would but the other girls had plans. Then to my surprise he extended the invitation to the rest of them. For some weird reason I don't know why I never thought of that. I couldn't believe myself that I never even thought about inviting them in the first place. I guess I was too "caught up" in my own life that I forgot about the other people around me. Anyways after a long hard discussion and a bunch of pros and cons about whether or not coming to this meeting was the best idea the girls eventually came to the conclusion that it wouldn't hurt to try.

At the meeting I kept a cautious eye on them trying to make sure they welcomed by the people I introduced them to. I was excited to show them this part of my life yet at the same time I was nervous about what they would think. Through the sermon I had to admit I was glancing at them from time to time trying to see what they were thinking from what I could tell from the expressions on their faces. It was definitely embarrassing to think about now that I realize what I did. I still couldn't figure out what they were thinking. All I knew was that for the past few weeks they have been asking questions about the joy they see in me. They kept asking where I got it or why it seemed like I was so happy all the time despite my work load or the hardness of college life. I knew I shared a little bit about how Jesus was the one that fueled me every day, but was that enough? I tried to focus my attention on the sermon but I couldn't help but think about how they would be taking this in. Was it weird to them? Would they be asking me questions later? In my mind I had to just give it up to God and allow Him to be in control. After the sermon we prayed together in groups and it got pretty emotional for me as I prayed over my friends. My heart just longed for them to come into the family, I knew that God was calling them but I wasn't exactly sure how I could lead them. As I was drenched in tears one of our leaders came to our circle and asked my friends if they were Christians and they said no, but they wanted to be. With my heart overwhelmed with emotions I couldn't even utter a single word, so the leader had lead my friends to the prayer of accepting Jesus in their hearts. All that fear of them not understanding or thinking this was all weird didn't matter anymore, cuz they have just entered the family. I remember going back home feeling beyond overwhelmed at how God is working in my despite how broken I felt in my life. I didn't feel capable of doing anything He has called me to, but His glory shines all the more when He does the impossible. :)

So right now I am just really excited about the journey that's just beginning for my friends. I can't wait to see how God will impact their lives and I am thankful and honored to be a part of that time in their life. So no matter how broken you might think you are, God will still use you if you allow Him to. Because His glory will shine much brighter through it all.

Your Love Never Fails

I've been so busy with midterms these past two weeks that I haven't had much time updating my blog, sorry for ya'll who have been checking only to find it the same. Once again I thank you for all the support of those who read my blog I am overwhelmed and thankful to the Father who has given me such a great opportunity. :)

These past few weeks have definitely been a challenge for me. Transition isn't always the easiest thing neither is getting used to living alone. It's been a season of struggles for me personally just because of some much going on in my life, to top that off getting used to college wasn't exactly the cherry on top of the ice cream. I knew that there is something better out there that God has for me, it's been rough, yeah, but God always has a plan and no matter what happens He will never leave me. As I flipped through a page of the amount of reading I had to do that week I remember feeling just so lazy and tired about doing anything. I didn't want to do school, I wasn't passionate about what I did. It was hard to focus on studying about European encounters about Sub-Saharan Africa when you had other things that were occupying your thoughts. I wanted to break free from the chains of all the lies that were in my head or the stress that everything around me was putting in me. Then God brought an amazing opportunity through my youth group called: The Breakthrough retreat.

It was such an amazing experience. I would have never thought a few months back that I would be praise and worshiping with a group of believers from all over Korea all hungering for a more intimidate relationship with Jesus Christ. It was a weekend of breakthrough no doubt. God broke through many issues I had in my heart that I was dealing with. First He broke through my fear of rejection so that I could see His love. He made me realize how I constantly sought after approval from people around me. I began to see why I did certain things just to get their attention more like their approval cuz I wanted to feel love and accepted. On the first night God made it clear to me that I didn't have to do anything in order to gain His approval. He already loves me just the way I am and there is nothing I can do to make Him love me more or less than He already does. The next thing God broke through in my heart was my fear of failure. We Christians apparently fall into two categories when dealing with this issue. The first category is mediocrity, we get the feeling that we have to stay or do something because it is expected of us by our parents or the people around us. It's not something we are passionate about or anything like that, but because are scared of failing we would rather stay there than achieve the dreams God has for us. If we don't fall in that category then we fall in the religious one that even though we know we have failed we keep striving for God's love. And we feel like we would have nothing if we don't keep striving. Because of those fears we are left paralyzed that and we can't walk freely down the road God wants to take us down. One thing that Pastor Marcus (our speaker for the weekend) said that stuck out to me was "If you manifest failure, you reap failure." I started thinking about how in my life I sometimes feel in I'm in one category or the other. God showed me that I didn't have to be afraid of failing because as long as I am with Him I know I will never fail. And that I should have faith in the things God has given me. Through the weekend we were given so much affirmation in our identity in Christ. I knew God was planting a seed in my heart that would continue to grow from the time He broke through it in my heart. I was able to see how God sees me as He says in His word. We were given a bunch of verses that talks about our worth. One of my favorites comes from Deuteronomy 14:2 that says "for you are a people holy to the LORD your God. Out of all the peoples on the face of the earth, the LORD has chosen you to be his treasured possession." I am His treasured possetion, I no longer needed to do anything for anyone to look for approval or prove anything to anyone, and all I needed was to see Him. Little by little I started realizing my worth in Him and how He loves me soooo much! Then for our last session we talked about the fear of man in order to break through the power of God. Sometimes we don't see the power of God cuz we are too concerned about what people think. And that holds us back from being able to truly see the power of God come into action. I began to realize how I did that in my life. Everything started to make sense, why I did what I did because of all these fears in my heart. God broke through every one of them and met me at my level. His love filled my heart beyond comprehension and brought me pure joy. I can't imagine how much God has loved me and yet I go about life complaining about certain things I don't have. His love is like the sunrise that brings hope to His people, to those who were lost, but now can see the way. God's love will NEVER fail, as He promises in His word in 1 Corinthians 13:8. So we can faith in that. :)

That weekend was definitely a powerful one; I know my life will never be the same after that. When I came home I remembered offering up to God everything in my life. I wanted to live for Him and Him alone, no matter where He takes me I wanted to follow and do what He has called me to do. I got rid of things that were holding me down from my walk with Him. I also had to deal with certain relationships that were harming me from my walk with the Lord. Those were one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make, but I know I won't regret them. Cuz God always has a plan and no matter what happens He will NEVER leave my side. I know God has so much in store for me after that, but I didn't think I was coming so soon…

Stay tuned for the next blog post to see what God has done in my life that made me beyond overwhelmed :)

Thank You!

I give God all the praise and the glory for reaching 200 readers! Thank you guys for all the support in constantly reading my blog! May God continue to use this blog as a source of encouragement to ya'll who are going through a hard time out there. You are not alone! We all go through hard times in life, and God doesn't give us anything we can't handle (1 Corinthians 10:13) So hold on to that promise, just like the promise God gave to Noah through the rainbow. May you be encouraged to know that I will be praying for each and every one of you and your growth in Christ, cuz this is a battle we are all going through together. So don't give up! Keep running the race that He has called you to!

I would love to hear from you guys and what God is doing in ya'lls lives. Feel free to e-mail me any time and I'll do my best and reply to you the next time I have free time. :)

Here's my e-mail address: mnsuazo@gmail.com

Hope to hear from you soon!

Picture by John Waltz

I Will be Still, and Know You are God

Sometime last week a friend shared a verse with me that I felt applied to what I was going through in my life right now. In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, (2 Timothy 3:12). I knew this to be true, especially with what's been going on in my life lately. It's just been so hard trying to focus fully on Christ because of all the lies that are thrown at me constantly. When I started to practice the habit of denying myself daily and allow Christ to reign in my life was when the enemy came back attacking twice as hard. Over the past few days I've lost precious items in my room, MS word wasn't working on my computer so papers where hard to write, and my phone went dead. So as you can see it's just been a horrible past few days, which I'm sure many of you have experienced before. Those days where it just seems like everything is going wrong and in the midst of it you are asking God where He is, and why it doesn't seem like He cares about what's going on in our lives. At this point we have two choices to make; either we give all things to Christ and rely on the fact that He works for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28) or we can try and take things to our own hands and figure it out for ourselves. See there's one little problem with the second option, if we did happen to make that choice, how would we see what's ahead of us? Or before us? Trying to make things work in our own terms can satisfy things for a little while, but never fully. We don't know what's going to happen in the future, but God does. He promises to give us a hope and a future and never harm us.

This week Nick Vujicic came to our college to speak. His encouragement was exactly what I needed at that time. He talked about how just because it doesn't seem like there is hope doesn't mean that it's not coming. Or the fact that hope might be just around the corner, but we have to make that turn to see it. I can't imagine the kind of pain he had to go through growing up, having to face the challenges he did. Yet he spoke right before us with pure contentment and true happiness that comes from no one else but the Lord Jesus Christ. We all have a longing, we all want to be loved and be loved. But there is nothing in the world that can truly satisfy that except for Jesus! He said that he goes around the world just to see a life come to Christ, and that's his motivation to continue on living. Nick said that often times the enemy continues to attack us because he wants us to separate us from God's love. And the only thing we can do to fight back is by hanging on to every promise in God's word. We can run from Him all we want and stay in bondage for as long as we want to hang on to this world, but once you chose to turn around and face the Truth, that will set you free. Someone at our youth group spoke about something similar to that topic later that night. He said that "There is nothing good outside of God, for God is life and whoever seeks to find life outside of Christ will find death." It was hard to digest at first, but as I thought about it and living without Christ for all eternity was the ultimate death, knowing that I won't be with my Creator forever.

It was then where I realized that I no longer had to believe in the lies the enemy throws at me! I have already been given freedom! Why do I continue to live like I'm still in bondage? Why do I still think that the lies are the truth? Why do I continue to convince myself that I will only find my worth in the things of this world when I know Christ loves me for who I am just the way I am? So then I prayed. I asked Him to take the lies away, for I didn't need to listen to them. Look, I have given you authority over all the power of the enemy, and you can walk among snakes and scorpions and crush them. Nothing will injure you. (Luke 10:19). I prayed that no matter how much the enemy attacks that I would surrender it all to Him, and that when the oceans of my life rise and the thunders roar, I will soar with Him above the storm. For He is the King over the flood, so all I have to do is be still and know that He is God. :)

After I chose to fight all the enemy's attacks through prayer and constantly focusing on God's love for me, things started getting better. I found the things I lost, I took my phone and computer to get fixed in another town. I didn't even have to pay for the repairs. See, God is good and He cares, not just cuz we see the evidence of His goodness right now, but cuz His love for us will never change and that's the ultimate promise of His goodness that we should never let go of.

He Knows My Name

What a week! So many things can change in a week! Last week I was still struggling through slowly fading out the lies that were being fed to me and moving forward to listening to God's soft quiet whisper. It was definitely a struggle at first, but by taking a step at a time God lead me down the right path once again.

It all started Saturday night when someone from church invited me to a prayer meeting. As I headed over there I felt like I was being attacked by the enemy. My head began to hurt and I was really dizzy on my way there. I still managed to make it despite the inconvenience. It was a very powerful prayer meeting just praying about many things that God is doing here in Korea. Then we sang songs called "He Knows my Name" right then and there I just felt God's love for me like never before. I began to start seeing myself the way He saw me, as His child, His Princess. When we got to the chorus I cried as I realized how He's been with me this whole time, He knew my every thought, He saw each tear that fell, and heard me when I called. I don't know why it didn't hit me before, He was leading my ways and I wasn't letting Him take control of my life. No wonder the enemy didn't want me to go; he knew my heart was going to be changed when I went.

Then on Sunday when I went to church we talked about being a "Dead-Again Christian" which I thought was a little weird at first cuz it's not common (in my mind anyways) to talk about being dead again when Jesus already died for us and rose again so that we may live. Our Pastor focused on the passage from Luke 9:23-25 "Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?" He talked about how we have an inner battle inside us that occurs daily, and we are the ones that can make that choice to either allow the Holy Spirit to fill us through the day or let the enemy control our thoughts. Each and every day is a new challenge and that although there will be sufferings now, there is a reward at the end of the war. That sermon spoke directly to my heart and broke right into me. I knew that God was calling me to greater things, but I constantly was allowing the enemy to feed me lies! No wonder I've been so depressed lately, it's cuz I didn't deny myself to give up the things I want and need in order for Christ to reign in my life. If I have realized that sooner I would have been able to save a lot of tears and pain. When I think of this a verse comes to mind, in John it talks about how in order for God to increase we must decrease. So I have to let myself go and not live for myself, instead allow Christ to dominate everything and anything I do. I had to die to myself and let Christ live in me.

Through the rest of the week God continued to reveal Himself to me in ways I didn't see before. He spoke through my Christian friends saying how much He loves me and that He wanted me to share that love with others around me, or tell me that He will provide for me no matter what the circumstance. Just affirming things like that that encouraged my walk with Him daily. It was so uplifting finally being able to think clearly through the week and not having my emotions cloud my judgment. It was great to finally see me singing from my heart again. By the end of the week at one of the Bible studies I went to, we talked about Spiritual Warfare. I knew that God was showing me what has been going on in my life for the past month. I was able to understand why I started feeling or acting the way I did. It wasn't because I was necessarily being rebellious towards God in anyway, but I wasn't surrendering my life to Him each day, so He couldn't exactly mold me to be more like Him when I wasn't surrender full control over my life to Him.

I know that each and every day will be challenging, but it is a daily battle in where we have to deny ourselves, pick up our cross and follow Christ. He never promised it would be easy, but He promised He would always be there for us. :)

Stay in the Battle

Lately I've been thinking about what God has planned for me here in Korea. Why did He call me here? What does He want me to do? And as the days flew by I found myself a lot more discouraged just being stressed out by school and not being able to fully focus on what God wants me to do here. Yes, I know He wants me to go to college, but I knew there was something more. I continued to pray about it, but somewhere along the line the enemy was lurking by watching my every move, looking for a way to crush me. I was oblivious to what he was doing at first but then I began to see a pattern in my life. I would start my day off asking God to use me in school and give me the strength to go about my day, and I would do so well until I come home, all alone. Being alone doesn't work too well for social butterflies like myself. Through that loneliness Satan began to feed me lies about my life and how no one cares just cuz no one was around. I began to feel insecure cuz I started seeing things that seemed true...about his lies. The more I thought about it the more depressed I got; everything confused me to the point of reexamining my life to see if I was actually on the right track. I thought I was being productive by trying to "stay away" from friends that kept in touch for their own good so that they wouldn't have to worry about me. But this only brought me deeper into the cave of darkness.

Until one day I stumbled upon this article from one of Leslie Ludy's websites. She talked about how the enemy will constantly attack us and pull us away from God and he will do ANYTHING to separate us from our Creator. So she said that once we see that the enemy is attacking us and trying to do things that will keep us away from God that is when you are in the perfect position to PRAY! and pray hard! And that reminded me of a verse from 2 Corinthians 10:5 that says "We demolish arguments and very pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ." So basically I would have to literally give up each thought that wasn't pleasing to Him in order to not allow the enemy access to my thoughts so that he couldn't feed me all these lies. No wonder I was in such despair! I gave the enemy access to my thoughts! By giving God each thought that wasn't in accordance to His word I would be diminishing the enemy's opportunity to have any control over me.

Another thing that Leslie Ludy said that was so helpful in turning from my old patterns to having a closer walk with Christ is once when you see the enemy begin to attack, you should pray for the lost. Pray for the ones that need to see God for who He really is. Pray for the people who need His love. Pray for all those things, cuz when the enemy sees that his attacks only leads to prayer for more people to come to the Kingdom, he'll for sure back off.

I know it's hard and it frustrating having to literally having to pray to give up my thoughts constantly throughout my day, but honestly it's so worth it and so rewarding in the end. Don't let the enemy attack you on your daily circumstances, don't let him discourage you and give him access to your life. Don't let the simple lies be fed to you. You are a child of God! So don't stay down when you've been knocked to your feet, get back up and take the sword of truth, put on the whole armor of God. And stay in the battle. :)

For those of you who want to know more about Leslie Ludy check out her site: http://www.setapartgirl.com/

Random Act of Kindness

As I was talking to my friend/awesome mentor Jessica on our almost daily chatting time she told me about something she did for her co-worker that doesn’t seem to have any family or friends around. So being the loving person that she, Jess is decided to do something special for her co-worker on her birthday. She thought it would be nice to make her some cupcakes to let her known she was special. She got to work with the help of her little Kate they were able to make awesome cupcakes together! I’m sure we all would have wanted to visit her house that day. Later that night at work Jessica was so excited to see the look on her friend’s face when she saw what they did for her, but unfortunately that co-worker took the day off. Then suddenly when someone from work found out what they were up to he called her up and told her what was going on. She immediately drove to work to see it for herself! She was just in awe of what Jess and everyone else at work did for her, she said that it was the only cake she will have that year. She teared up and just hugged Jess thanking her for making it such a special day for her.

Then it got me thinking, what if Jess didn’t take the time off from her day to realize someone else’s need instead of her own. What if she continued to go on with her life not caring about this co-worker of hers? What would have happened? Would that woman feel the same love as she did that night when Jess and all the people in the office celebrated her birthday with her? I am reminded of what Jesus said when He asked us to love others as you love yourself. If we wanted to feel special then shouldn’t we make others feel special first? This is one way we can show God’s light in us because we’re different from the world. People around us should notice the difference if we were truly living our life for Christ. It is our life that people will see if we truly have Jesus as our number one priority in our lives. It’s like turning on the ceiling light then covering it up so that the room can be dark again, it just doesn’t work that way. Because God’s light shines even in the most darkest places, so He can reach to the lost even if they are trying to avoid Him. God wants to use us in any way we can as long as we are willing to do so. I always thought I needed to be better, smarter, and more qualified for things for me to be able to do God’s work, but as I grew up I began to realize that that’s not how God works. He will use us no matter what the circumstance as long as we let Him in because His strength can surpass our ablities and He will always give us everything we need to do what He has called us to. So do you want to see the lost get found? Do you want to see people around you be impacted because of what you did? Then take it a step at a time and just start with one random act of kindness. :)

Picture from: http://www.free-extras.com/images/colorful_cupcake-1557.htm Sorry guys this isn't the real cupcake, i just throught it would be a good picture to add to this blog post.

Your Love is Extravagant

There are many times in my life where I come to a point where I realize that I don't have it "all together". Whether that means that God makes known to me the sins I have committed, or if someone I trust rebukes me of my sins. Then there is this voice at the back of my head that tells me how I should have never started doing what I was doing for God in the first place when all I'll do is fail again. Then I dwell up on all those thoughts and eventually making me rethink about why I do the things I do in life. Then sometimes even making drastic changes in my life and quitting things I think I am not good at or thinks that God made a mistake in picking me to do what He called me to. This is the viscous cycle my mind goes through each time I am disappointed about how sinful I really am. Truth is everyone is sinful just like I am and over the years I had to realize that I’m not alone in that struggle. So I shouldn't feel like what I am going through is strange and unreal to many people. And recently God has just been speaking to my heart about the real meaning of the cross. I know we all know the story of Jesus dying on the cross for our sins and paying that price so we can be with God for eternity, but something clicked in my mind like never did before. I finally understood that no matter how bad I messed up in life He would continue to drench me with His blood and cleans my heart each time I asked for it. Not saying I didn't realize this before, but for some reason It made more sense, and the fact that I even had the strength to turn from my sins each time was cuz of Him! His love is so extravagant that nothing in this world can separate us from His love. He loves us soo much that even if we sin He'll forgive us, not saying that we shouldn't make the effort to turn from them, but to honestly repent and ask God for forgiveness. Even if life gets you down I am reminded that it says in Isaiah 41 that He will renew our strength and will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. And I get excited about that! It's like having never ending energy! Like being able to do what He has asked us above and beyond what we expect cuz He is out hope! He is our strength! I shouldn't be looking down at myself pitying the sins I have committed and decide that living for Him isn't good enough cuz I fail at it all the time. No, I should get back up on my feet ask for forgiveness and fight for battle again! I have new strength now! I can fight whatever the enemy throws at me! So the next time you are going through a tough patch be reminded of God's strength that comes with being renewed in His love. :)

Moving Makes Me Sick!

When one moves to another country the newness of the environment doesn't always settle well. I think culture shock alarms not only our brain, but our physical body as well. Over the past few weeks I have discovered many things my delicate little stomach doesn't approve of. I'm always up for something new (expect for if I've already tried it and dislike the taste of it already…) it's just too bad that my belly doesn't share the same opinion. Food was the least of my problems when I first got here to Korea, I was so surprised how modern it was and how much it's changed since I left. I had to get this electronic key chain that I had to load with money for it to become my bus/subway ticket. All I would have to do is scan it through scanner thing and it pays for my ride just like that! I found it cool at first, but having the deficiency in various electronic items I couldn't figure out how to load money in through their computer machine. It took me a while to get it but now I can do it in my sleep! One major problem I had being an experienced Egyptian half sidewalk/street walker was the fact that there are stop lights with cross walks here! I couldn't just run for my life across the road hoping the next taxi won't run me over like it did back home. I actually had to wait! Like wait till the red light turns to green THEN cross over. I've had several experiences where I was pretty much oblivious to everything and anything (just like I was back in Egypt cuz apparently no matter what you do there you get harassed) that I crossed to the other side of the road only to realize that it was on a red light! No wonder no one was walking with me! That's still something I have to get used to, hopefully it won't take that long though cuz I might end up in the hospital a few times before I end my freshman year of college. Jet lag wasn't helpful either, since I'm a morning person I generally wake up at 6 am no matter what time zone I'm in; so moving half way across the world just totally messed up my sleeping habits. And I was constantly exhausted the first week I came. Constant fatigue plagued over me as I tried to find classrooms, listen to introductory speeches and so on and so forth. I'm sure for all of you who have moved at least once in your life to a foreign country experienced what I am talking about. After about a two weeks starting college I began to notice how I felt so alone in such a grown up world. I didn't think I could get use to all this. It was defiantly hard getting used to the pace of living alone not really knowing anyone, going places by myself, no one to talk to for most of the time. Everything was sinking in the fact that I was in a new culture and all alone with no family or friends I could just stop by and hang out with. It was very difficult for me, especially when it came to my spiritual life and I didn't exactly have that support I used to get from my family, youth group leaders, friends, or MSC parents. I was starting to head downhill fast in my Spiritual walk. Since I couldn't really "express myself" like I used to back home I began to wonder and question God about His plans and why He brought me here to begin with. I started rethinking a lot about God's promises for me. If He really promises to not harm me but to give me a hope and a future why do I feel all this pain and depression? Thoughts like those circulated in my mind as my head and my heart fought over the issue regularly. I ended up talking to a good friend about this issue and he described my situation so perfectly that it helped me see what I was going through clearly. He said that "our bodies get sick when we are in a new place cuz it's not used to the sickness there, same spiritually." And I knew that all the newness will ware off soon enough and that God's promises always comes true not one has failed like it says in Joshua 23:14. So even though the culture shock might make my stomach ache from the new food or get lost in the subway station on my way to somewhere or even get attacked by the enemy constantly for moving here and obeying God. There's one thing I know for sure, is that God will help me get over the newness of things and He will always be there to guide me and protect me each step of the way. So I really don't need to be afraid about my future, cuz I know He's not there to harm me, but to give me wonderful blessings beyond my comprehension as long as I delight myself in Him. :)

How Great is Our God

God does amazing things if we just put our hope in Him :) I can testify to that with what just happened tonight alone. I'll go back a bit for some of you who don't know much of my journey here to college. 

It all started when God told me to go to Korea for college instead of Liberty. I questioned Him a lot around that time and I still didn't get a full picture of what He wanted and He wouldn't say anything to me either. So I prayed that if I get into this particular college in Korea and if all works out then He deff. wants me there. Long story short after tons of miracles and God's amazing hand over the whole process I was able to get in and get everything I needed to go to Korea. With that said as most of you who have read my past posts, you would have realized that I was going through a series of hardships that just kept on piling up through the days. I had to ask God over and over again to deliver me from that and to give me peace. As I continued to pray for a single Christian friend just to spur me on or to help me through the hard days when I am being attacked cuz of my faith, God heard my cries. Even way before I arrived here when I was back in my room in Egypt just praying and asking for guidance for the new life ahead of me. Through a series of literally miraculous occurrences I found a Christian campus ministry meeting at our campus that was advertised at one of our school buildings. I prayed about it and knew God wanted me to go. When I went there even on the first encounter with one of the leaders she began to tell me how I was an answer to their prayer and how they have been praying for the international division of our university. She said that God spoke to her in a vision and told her that she would bring about student leaders that don't need to be trained but have a passion for Christ already in their hearts and she said I was one of them! That was a confirmation on the promises that God has spoken in my heart months before arriving. He knew I was going to be there to worship with other believers who love Him like I do. I cried through worship just singing "How great is our God" declaring the fact that He really does move and works daily. The talk was amazing! and it blew me away about how they are so committed in challenging each and every one of us in our faith and growing deeper with Christ that year. They also believe strongly in the power of prayer and how it heals and visions were spoken throughout the whole time as if it was normal to them! I knew this was an area of my life that God has been wanting to grow me in for awhile now and He has put me in the right place at the right time to do what He has called me to do. :) May His name forever be praised for He is the God that hears our cries and is faithful to those who seek Him. He will never leave us nor forsake us :)

This would be also something I would encourage you guys to be praying about. I really want to see people's lives change here in my campus. :)

Originally written on Sept. 14, 2010

First Day in Korea

I was tired and a bit cranky cuz I've been traveling since the beginning of August and my crazy month of busy things to do and travel a lot was about to end. But as I looked at the monitor and saw us flying towards the place I once called home my heart filled with excitement. I sat there just taking in every bit of what the screen could show me of this new adventure I was about to embark on. I was over flowing with joy to see so much rain outside my window! Excitement filled every part of my body as I waited impatiently to land on Korean soil once again. Then all the joy suddenly vanished in a blink of an eye when I got off the bus near the campus only to find that my luggage was ridiculously heavy to drag to a nearby a taxi pick up place. Rain kept on pouring as my mom and I tried to find a place to get a cab with no umbrellas. The weather reflected the gloomy state of my heart as I kept praying in my mind for God to help us get through all this. When we got there 3-4 taxi drivers refused us cuz of how big the luggage was (blame my books >.>). So I kept on praying hard, then just when I was about to lose all hope a nice taxi driver took us to where we had to go and rest of the night went smoothly. Hoping in the Lord is never a bad thing, He always takes care of His children no matter what the circumstance, and that's a promise I'm beginning to learn over and over again while I am here in college. :)

Beyond Words

So today I was listening to "Beyond Words" by Tenth Avenue North and it just made me think of how faithful God is/has been through this whole college transition phase. I'll post a bit of the song lyrics here so ya'll will kinda get an idea of what I'm getting at. 

Well if you only knew the pain that I've been through
Since when did it become all about you
As you can see right from the start I've said the truth
And if the truth means nothing to you
Then what am I supposed to do?

And I'll still love you
Beyond what words can say
I'll take your every suffering moment
And bring a better day

 
Each time I hear the last bit I keep remembering how much I've been "suffering" through this transition period. I didn't think it would be THIS hard to move to another country where you would have no friends, family, and a whole new culture you don't understand expect so much from you. I have no idea why God wanted me here, and I still don't fully understand it yet either, but I know that He has a purpose. Just because bad things happen in our lives doesn't mean we have to let go of everything we believe and think that would make things better. To be honest trying to figure out life on our own is WAY harder than if we simply just trust God. Cuz He knows everything, He knows where we are headed and if we trust Him we don't have to be afraid of that. I know through this hard time God is making me stronger, as problems come my way I think of them as opportunities to trust God. He's going to take me places I would have never imagined, and down paths beyond my comprehension! Only if I'm willing to deny myself and let Christ live within me. God promises us that He will take our pain away, because He has already bought it with a price, all we have to do it give it up to Him. Just like in the song it says "I'll take your every suffering moment and bring a better day" and it's sooo true! I am a living witness to that amazing power! He literally took all my burdens and fears; I could feel my heart lighten from a weight load of depression. If Jesus can take the load off my heart I'm sure He can do it in yours too! So I encourage you guys to turn to Him with EVERY problem you have, because He really is more than enough for us! I used to think that was just a good saying people said to help others get through hard times, but I have personally experienced it! And it's awesome! So I encourage you guys to do the same! It's deff. worth is in the long run and you will be rewarded. :)


 

 

Thankful for Family

The days are passing by so quickly and I can hardly catch my breath. One minute I'm having a nice conversation just hanging out with a friend and before I know it, it's the next day and I am on my way to meet up with another friend to hang out with. I seem to miss a lot when I blink. Anyways, sometime this week my youth group family held a goodbye party for Tyson and I. It was deff. the highlight of my week. As I looked around the at all the friends/family members I have made over the years I can't help, but think of all the memories we've made over time. I would look at each individual person and see how much they've made an impact on my life weather they knew it or not. I would remember each time we hung out, or laughed together, or (for some of the kids there) babysat them. It seemed like just yesterday I would be planning meetings to hang out or plan out my babysitting schedule for the week, and now here I was saying goodbye to all I held dear. It was deff. a weird feeling, it's as if I was saying goodbye to my own family members fully knowing that I might not see most of them ever again. No more sleep overs, watching movies, hanging out at Greco's, random inside jokes, and most of all the talks we had about our Spiritual lives that encouraged me beyond anything. It was like getting a breath of fresh air when hearing about someone else's walk with Christ and how we can just walk through life together. I knew there would always be someone I could count on praying for me and encouraging me through the hard times in life. I knew there was always someone to run to when I needed help and they always had me too if they ever needed it. We are a family, that's what we do. Just thinking about leaving them behind breaks my heart to think that I can't do that anymore, but at the party all I heard was encouraging words for the life up ahead. They assured me that we could still be family no matter what part of the world we will be. They knew that God had amazing things ahead and how He would use me there in ways I can't even imagine at the moment. It was hard accepting that promise at first, but I know that they were right and even if we don't meet in this world, we'll all meet in Heaven. And I like that alternative :) I just wanted to use this blog post to thank everyone who has been a part of my life while I was here in Egypt. I know for a fact ya'll have impacted me in so many ways, maybe more than you'll ever know, always encouraging me towards our Lord Jesus and helping me become the woman that I am today. So I thank you guys so much for all the laughs, craziness, and all the fun times we had together. I will miss ya'll so much! I am so thankful that God put each and every one of you in my life. Thank you for everything, I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I'll close off with a part of a poem I wrote.

"We are special in God's eyes. We are bonded with special ties.
That can't be seen by human eyes, but we know it's there.
Strong and unshaken. Forever more it can't be taken."

Love Lots
Marie

Bloom Where You're Planted

As I look at this picturesque flower, I can’t help but think of how it got there. A seed that was thrown into the ground with a purpose of growing through the soil somehow by an unfortunate occurrence found itself in a crack in the pavement. All alone, stuck at the bottom with nowhere else to go, and no strength to begin growing its root- it was hopeless. But out of nowhere it felt a bit of soil beneath it and a ray of sunshine crept through the narrow crack. And with its last bit of strength the seed pushed through and sought out a better future. Then it relied on the little resources it had to get through life. It would go through hard times, enduring a storm or going through days with no sunlight. Nevertheless its difficult journey only adds to the beauty of what it becomes over time. This lovely blooming image is all the more precious to the sight of those who know its story and the amazing journey it has been through. Though many trials may hit us in life, let us look for the hope that is in Christ to endure the painful suffering that may befall us and keep on living the life that He has called us to. And in the end His light will shine and bloom in us for the world to see the miraculous hands of our amazing God :)
Picture by John Waltz

The Potter and the Clay

Picture by Rachel Robers

Moving can be a huge annoyance in different times of life. You TCK kids would know what I’m talking about. First of all cuz you’d have to pack all your stuff in a limited number of days while saying goodbyes to people you’ve learned to treat as members of the family. Then you would have to get used to the next environment in the next country you are moving to and unpack the things you packed a few weeks back. Being a TCK myself, you would think it get easier over time to let go of your current environment and move on to another. It’s true that in some levels you don’t get too attached, but it’s still the same feeling you get in your stomach when you give the people you care about a last hug and sometimes having the mentality that you might never see them again. If there is something I learned through all this, it’s that the only permanent thing in this world is change. Nothing ever stays the same, time changes everything. As I longed to stay in Korea my entire life I knew I couldn’t stay. God was calling me elsewhere, and He had a better plan. Through my life I have always known that God would never harm you, but give you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11), but being young I didn’t understand that to its fullest. When God called our family back to the Philippines I had no clue what God was asking of us or me for that matter. Well long story short, it was just a hard transition time for all of us, especially for me who’s lived outside the country all her life and didn’t understand any of the culture. It was during my brokenness and lack of comprehension of what was going on around me that tendered my heart and allowed God to mold me into what He wanted me to be. Just like Him being the Potter and I the clay. (Isaiah 29:16)

Making clay pots with the kids during VBS reminded me of that last week. And for those of you who have never tired making clay pots, they are hard! Especially when the clay is stiff and hard to mold! I had to turn the pedal at the same time try and form this piece of clay into something beautiful (or at least in this case into something someone can identify). It defiantly required a lot of effort and energy in order for it to take shape. I can just picture the same thing in my life when I harden my heart and choose to go my way instead of following what God asks of me. So the next time I think about doing what I want to do, I’ll remember the Potter and clay as I make my next decision.

Security in Him

As I walked out of the airport doors to search for familiar faces that I've only seen in pictures, I began to feel excitement build up inside me. I apparently came out the wrong door and I had to walk a bit further to find them. But as to walk around I started feeling lost cuz everything was new to me and I was scared of being all alone. Fear began to seep in my heart as thoughts of being lost and never finding them found its way in my mind. I eventually found them all clumped up together with their eyes glued to the door of the exit I was suppose to come out at. So those thoughts were completely useless and time consuming. When I found a figure that looked similar to my *Twin, I yelled her name, she turned to see who called her and we both ran towards each other for a hug. I finally found security, knowing I wasn't going to get lost in this unfamiliar land.

All too often that’s how I would feel about walk with God. He would take me down different roads in life; some familiar but mostly not. I tend to get comfortable in the life I live in and forget to go out my comfort zone to do things for Him. I get so used to doing the daily routine of life that I miss the importance of what He’s teaching me. When God leads me down an unfamiliar road, I start to fear. I question Him about His plans and if He really thinks I’m “good enough” for whatever He called me to. Doubt would fill my mind about whether or not I am capable to go through it in the first place. But the thing is it’s not about me or my own strength. It wasn’t even about me going down the certain road to begin with. It’s all for Him. The reason He takes me down different paths is so that His glory will be revealed. I’m merely a tool He uses to bring about His plan. It sometimes embarrasses me to think I question an Almighty God who knows everything. So I should look beyond myself and look at the big picture He has in store. Instead of asking “Am I good enough for this task that He has given me?” I should be asking “What can I do to show God’s glory in this situation?” It’s a win, win situation all together, because if we do good things for Christ despite it being uncomfortable, He will bless us through that. Even if we “mess up” we have a forgiving God who welcomes us back with loving arms in where we can find security. So even though I get lost in the journey of life, I can guarantee to find my loving Father in the midst of an unfamiliar world. :)

Aria was Here!

So a few days ago my best friend Aria flew in only for a day. I spent a few precious hours with her and her sister Emilieigh in the streets of Cairo just catching up on things. The weird thing was, even though we were apart for about 6 months, I didn’t feel like we’ve been separated at all. Don’t get me wrong, of course I missed them like crazy! It was weird not seeing them around at all! It was even weirder that I haven’t gone on an Egyptian Adventure with them. Anyways, it felt more like we just hung out the week before, like as if time didn’t go by at all and we just started where we left off. I honestly don’t know how or why I felt that way, maybe cuz we skyped enough or that we kept in contact that we didn’t miss much. Don’t ask me, I’m still in the dark about all this, but as Aria drank her raspberry ice tea I just thought about where the last 6 months have gone. It seemed like yesterday that she and Ems were in front of my elevator giving me “goodbye” hugs. I remember that night clearly, we said our last greetings and had hope in the fact that we were going to see each other in the future. Then I began to look back on me and Aria’s friendship over the past year and I could see God written all over it. He planned all of it from the very beginning. He made sure we met and from then on I just grew in my relationship in Christ. Aria was there for me through the hard and happy times and I couldn’t be more thankful. Which lead me to think that since God has planned this divine appointment, I’m pretty sure that He already has things plan way ahead. Like the things I am worried about such as: fitting in college, my roommate, culture shock, leaving my family, living alone, and finding new friends. So I know that God is taking care of all those details, and I can’t wait to go back home! A good friend once shared with me his favorite verse in Romans 8 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” That is just a promise I can hold on to as I embark on another journey in my life. God will always be there no matter what I go through. :)

My MCS Family

Picture by Aria Morton

As I walked the familiar paths near my road to meet up with a friend for a coffee meeting, I began to think how different my life would be not living here any longer. My first thoughts were about how I wouldn’t be constantly trying to escape death when walking the streets as a random taxi tries to ram me to the next building. And I was ok with that, I mean I wouldn’t constantly be looking out for myself having to glare at each cab that passes by trying to read their minds to see whether or not their next move was to either honk their horn for me for no reason or to randomly try to drive next to me and convince me to ride in their cab even though I didn’t need it. I actually think I preferred not being honked at or attempted to be stalked all the time. Then my next thoughts moved from the streets to one of my favorite places in my town: my old school. :) MCS is a Christian school and was my school before moving on to NSA for my junior year. It honestly didn't feel like a school, I mean yeah sure I was educated there, but it was more like a family. Everyone looked out for each other, and you can just see love in everyone's eyes from the smallest kindergarten kid to our principal. It seemed unrealistic, but it's true, and it's there. If you ever have the chance to visit you should defiantly come and see it for yourself. I remember the year when I started NSA and I was saddened by the thought I would hardly see any of them throughout my year. But each time I came to visit I was always greeted by a bunch of kids running towards me yelling "Marie!" and giving me hugs. I loved all the kids there and their families as well. I have been mentored by a lot of the teachers and parents in that community that brought me closer to the Lord. I remember one day when one of the dads was going to pick me up to help them clean a few things in the new apartment they were moving in. As I stood there waiting for him, two moms in a car drove by and asked if I needed a lift. This wasn't the first time this happened, it's happened multiple times in where parents made sure I was ok or if I needed a ride to a certain place. As I thought about the love in this community I would start getting this wallow feeling in my heart, like I would be deprived from the all the love and care that this community has offered. It's weird to think that I would be leaving here so soon. I've seen most of their kids grow from being a baby to a walking, talking 5 year old! And now I won't even see them grow to be teens! It's just weird to think about it I guess, but something I do see is just how in a few short years I might get back in contact with them and seen how much they've grown and to see their achievements in life. In a way I feel privileged to be a part of their lives and have the opportunity to pray for them now, and in a few years time see what God lays out for their future. Although I will miss their warm hugs, smiles, and random stories about what happened in the art room that day, I'm a lot more excited to see what kind of people God will mold them to be in the future. I would like to thank all the moms that have poured into my life and shared a piece of yours. I will treasure your advice and thank you for all the times you have taken care of me. I also thank all the dads and the conversations we would have as you took me home from babysitting. It was always interesting to see what you opinions for certain topics. and last but not least I love you little kiddos! Be strong in the Lord and always put Him first in your life. :)

Much Love,

Marie (aka Arie or Rie)