Sorry!

So sorry everyone! I've been super caught up with school, life, and friends here that I haven't gotten the chance to write a blog post. So i'm super sorry about that! But i will tell you one thing. God is deff. moving! It's pretty crazy! I'm blown away each day by what He has for me! Hopefully once school is over and I have a bit more chill time back home I'll be able to write out the amazing things God has been doing in my life and in our campus!

Blessings!

Definitely a 180

Over the weekend I went on our college fellowship retreat called 180. The whole theme was based on the book of Malachi in where God tells Fathers to turn their hearts to their son and the sons turn their hearts to their fathers. It was such an impacting weekend! I know I will never be the same again! Our speakers did an amazing job on delivering the word of God to us as they talked about turning from deception and turning to Truth. They explain the importance of no longer living as a slave, but living as God’s child. They put a great deal of emphasis on our inheritance as children of God. They declared Truth after Truth and Promise after Promise about who we are in our Father as the lies that used to be a part of us fell to the ground. It no longer was a part of us as we learned more about our Father. We made a turn, a commitment to change from our slave like mentality (like the Israelites had in Egypt) and seek wholeheartedly to know who our Father in order to fully understand who we are in Him.

I know for a fact many lives were changed this weekend. Just fellowshipping with friends after the retreat was a blessing and encouragement to hear how God has changed their lives. Turning from our old ways and flipping our lives 180̊.I can’t wait to hear more! (That’s a hint for my Emmaus friends out there who I am inviting to hang out with me soon! :P ) I know for sure my life was changed. :)

Before I start I dive into the amazing things God did in my life this weekend, I’ll have to tell you what happened a little before. As most people know, I am pretty much a planner. I plan how much work I get done in a certain amount of time, I plan what I do during the week, I plan when I go grocery shopping, or when to clean my room…the list goes on. And being such a planner in many aspects of my life I started planning my Spiritual life too. Which obviously is not very healthy. I knew God was working on my heart in that area, but somehow I was still fighting for control. I wanted to change so badly, but I was doing it all in my own strength. So God couldn’t drive until I let go of the steering wheel.

Before the session started I sat next to one of my older brothers named Song just saying hi and such. He goes “Hey Mary.” I looked at him oddly and said “I’m not Mary…” “You’re not? Isn’t that your name though?” he confusedly replied. “I have been your little sister for almost a year now and you still don’t know my name?!” I asked a little furious as I showed him my name tag. “Ahh! Marie! That’s right!” Before I could say anything more they announced that the session was about to begin so I went back to my seat.

During this session they talked about running from deception to truth and how by not hearing God’s voice first hand we can be deceived by the king of deceptions (Satan) very easily. The heart of that talk was basically fully knowing who your Father is in order to know who you are. We are no longer slaves, but we walk in abundance, we no longer have to beg for mercy, but are filled with grace, and we don’t need to beg for purpose cuz were created for it. As His children we have SO many privileges, but we still act like a slave. I loved the example our speaker gave.

We end up doing this:

“Hey God, can I have some OJ?”

God: yes

“Thanks God!” and then we just look at the fridge...we then complain about how God doesn’t give us any OJ and blame Him for things not turning out the way we prayed for in our lives.

Another image that I’ve heard somewhere came to mind as she was talking. It was like going to our own home and asking our parents if we could sleep in our own beds, or asking them if we could use the stuff in the house to make food. When we are God’s children there is an abundant feast waiting for us!

As I took notes and took in this awesome realization of the Truth I wondered how to apply it in my life. I wasn’t exactly sure how or in what areas…but then when they dimmed the lights for prayers the leaders came up one by one. They called out different situations they felt like the Spirit telling them about. One of the leaders said “I feel like the Spirit is telling me that someone here feels like they have to work for God’s love.” I thought about it and I didn’t exactly think that I was working for God’s love…but then I felt a tugging in my heart, God was telling me to stand up. So I stood up and the leader prayed for me. Interesting thing was… this leader knew nothing about what was currently going on in my life. I haven’t seen her since last semester and she was hitting home as she prayed. She said “Marie, God has made you to be a Mary and not a Martha.” I was shocked…I couldn’t believe that she knew about my struggles. She continued on to say how she felt like God was just calling me to sit at His feet. At that point I could feel the presence of God. I could see myself just sitting at His feet and listening to every word He said. I was so filled with peace and joy right after that. I knew I no longer needed to plan ANYTHING but to just walk with Him. That night I let go of every expectation I had for myself and what others had for me. I stopped working to please God and just be still to listen to Him.

Through the whole weekend that’s exactly what I did. I just sat at the foot of my Savior in every worship and message sessions. I just enjoyed being in His presence and it brought an overwhelming amount of joy that I have not felt in a long time. All the lies that I believed about my identity was all gone. I didn’t have to rely on people to make me feel beautiful, cuz God thinks I’m pretty worth dying on the cross for :) Other prayers were prayed over me and each time it was the same thing. “God wants you to walk with Him, you don’t have to strive.” Which just confirmed it all the more!

God is so hilarious! Who ever thought that my brother Song’s little mishap would actually be the identity that God was reviling to me over the weekend. God is totally awesome ^_^ So I’m not going to keep trying, but just hold on to His promises, and as I get to know Him more I’ll know who I really am. I wouldn’t have thought before the retreat that I would be changed like this. This girl has turned her heart back to her Father, defiantly a 180 :)

Someone's Watching over Me

It has been one crazy month for me here in the lovely land of blooming cherry blossoms. Just when I would tell myself that I would sit down for an hour or two and write a blog post I end up doing either homework or hanging out with people. I didn’t used to be this spontaneous back in high school; to be honest a lot of the things I did back home were pretty much planned. Most of ya’ll who know me know that I’m pretty much a planner; I still am, but ever since I have gone to college God has been teaching me to plan less, and trust Him to take the lead. It’s not always easy being a crazy college student who wants to take every opportunity and just decide for herself right on the spot. I always find myself trusting God with everything He is doing, and then when I have tons of homework to do I find myself planning not only in that area, but also in every aspect of my life as well, including my Spiritual life. I would end up telling God what to do and how to do it at a specific time, instead of just walking with Him and letting Him guide the way. I end up becoming a control freak about so many things that I end up stressing myself out more than I have to. It’s definitely one of those lessons I am learning here right now. Thankfully God isn’t the kind of god who would smite you each time you try to take things to your own hands, but I had to learn it the hard way.

It all started on Friday morning, where I woke up sleep deprived from studying for my history midterm. My phone said it was 11 o’clock; I had two hours left before my exam. It was raining outside so that did not exactly help with my mood that morning. I woke up a little groggy and slightly upset knowing I wasn’t going to the batting cages with my friends cuz of the rain. I took my history midterm with the strength that God gave to me, cuz honestly speaking I wouldn’t have been able to take that test being so sleep deprived. I ended up going through the motions of the day…still being super tired. I had lunch with a friend still feeling pretty moody cuz the rain hasn’t exactly stopped and somehow I was thinking about how I did on my history midterm. It was Good Friday yet I totally forgot about it until I was reminded of going to church that night with a group of friends. I was exhausted through the bus ride there, I seriously thought about just staying home and sleeping. But somehow as I poured my heart out during worship and my fatigue all melted away. I was filled with so much energy! It was an amazing feeling! And the message also gave me a whole new different perspective of Jesus’ suffering. It was pretty cool.

Then as we were on the bus heading home I told myself I would go straight home and just rest. Although I had energy from the worship I didn’t want to abuse my body cuz I was sick earlier that week. But then somehow (don’t ask me how…) I ended up deciding to go and have dinner with a few friends. We had a great time hanging out playing games first before finding a restaurant. It was fun hanging out with them and just enjoying the conversations that took place. But then after dinner I looked into my bag and couldn’t find my wallet. I took out everything thinking it might just be in the bottom or something, but it was nowhere to be found. We looked around the restaurant and I searched in my pockets thinking I might have just misplaced it, but still nowhere…the group split up; 3 of them went to the games place where we were to see if I might have left it there and two other friends helped me look around the restaurant. Still nothing… I was feeling hopeless; I didn’t know what to do. All my cards were there including my student ID card, my alien registration card, and my debit card. I was starting to panic inside much more than I was reflecting on the outside. We went back to the place we played games earlier cuz everyone else wanted to try all the other games. Around midnight my friends could tell I was getting upset as I was trying to call and figure out how to cancel my cards. After I got the numbers, my friends decided to pray for me. They asked God to give me joy and peace despite the circumstances. I deff. felt peace after that prayer, and enjoyed the rest of the night with them. With the help of all my friends they all contributed to helping me cancel my cards and making me feel better by getting me a stuffed animal from playing the games.

I felt so loved and truly enjoyed my time at karaoke place until 4 in the morning. We were all pretty much beat, exhausted and delusional by the time we all walked back home. But one thing I didn’t anticipate, shocked me beyond belief. As I walked back to my room with a friend we found a note on my door. It told me to pick up my

wallet down stairs…. I couldn’t believe it, was this for real? I thought it was a joke for a few seconds, but then went downstairs to make sure. When my friend and I went down to the information area I asked about my wallet. And low and behold the guy at the information desk handed it over and gave me a piece of paper. The paper showed me who found it and what time the police took it back to my dorm. I was amazed! I couldn’t help but be thankful in awe of what God did! My wallet apparently got to my dorm around midnight! That was around the same time my friends prayed for me! God is truly amazing! Right then I felt like God was saying that I no longer needed to plan things in my life. Cuz I can’t control anything that happens anyways. To hand Him the steering wheel of my life didn’t mean I would lose all my hope, dreams, and things that He planted in me to desire but rather gaining all that and more. God promises us so many things in His word that tells us of His great love. Why do we continue on going with our lives thinking we can do it all, when we can’t even do well in one area. This is a season in my life where I feel like He is just saying “Walk with me, my child.” And I know that everything else will fall into place. So I don’t need to worry, or even plan, cuz Someone’s watching over me. J