Just a Simple Prayer

First snow fell on the beautiful Korean peninsula today. I really like snow, somehow I always felt like it was a gift for me since I was a child. Cuz every time I prayed for snow as a kid I would remember getting it. I could hear screams from outside the dorms as well as from the kitchen area. As I posted my status on Facebook of how happy I was to see snow so early this year, one of my leaders remembered the story of how I prayed for snow in Egypt awhile back. I wanted to post the link of my blog post where I told that story, but realized I never wrote about it....So here you guys go! 

Since I grew up in Korea my Christmases would always be filled with snow, but after moving around and eventually moving to Egypt I obviously wasn't getting any snowflakes anytime soon. When Christmas rolled around Freshman year of High School I started getting homesick and longed to see snow again. At this point I haven't seen snow in 4 years, so I prayed for months asking God to make it snow in Egypt so I wouldn't feel so homesick. Such a selfish prayer, I know but hey I was a kid and it's child-like faith there for you. I started praying in November hoping to get it sometime in December. As impossible as it seemed in the natural I still believed that God would hear my prayers. I prayed knowing that He could do anything, but when February rolled around I figured God didn't want to change the weather patterns and freak people out thinking that it might be the end of the world, so I stopped praying. To my surprise during Easter break we went to Mt Sinai for the first time, and it started to rain on our way there. For some that may not know, it hardly ever rains in Egypt, if it ever does choirs of rejoicing would be heard across the whole country, even if it rains only for a few seconds. This rain was different, it rained for a good hour or more and we heard that they had to cancel our church service back in our town because it began to flood there. Long story short once we got to the top of Mt. Sinai to see the sunrise we couldn't even see it because of all the fog. Then suddenly out of nowhere white particles started falling from the sky. I honestly didn't know what it was for a good few seconds because I haven't seen it in a while but my mom informed me that it was snow.

I was so awestruck to see how God moves. He heard my simple prayers and changed the weather just for me so I wouldn't feel so homesick. He definitely knows how to speak to us in ways only we can understand. I couldn't believe that He would do such a thing. It blessed me so much to know that the Maker of the universe isn't just a distant God that has this to-do-list trying to check off the things you have done or not, but a relational God that listens to you and shows you that He cares; and for this girl it was showing His love through sending snow to the sandy land. I am honored to be called a daughter of the Most High; He is good yesterday, today, and forever.

Hope this blesses ya'll. Know that no matter how simple your prayers are He hears them all! Happy First Snow day everyone! ^_^

Reading Journal Entries

One of the things I love doing is reading past journal entries, especially after a retreat where He reminds me of His faithfulness in my life. For those of you who don’t know my story, I was lead to come to Korea 6 months before starting college. Although I already applied and got into the school of my dreams in America, I knew He was calling me here. Despite me battling Him for what I wanted He made is SO clear that I was to come to Korea. After various miraculous occurrences I managed to apply to Yonsei University (I didn’t even know universities existed in Korea till this point) just 4 months before school begins. Got in to this prestigious university despite what my report card said and got my parents’ blessing too! It was crazy as I think back so much happened in a short period of time.

One thing I remembered so clearly was how upset I was if I could find a community. I remembered crying in my room asking God “Will you give me a community that loves you just as much as I do and even more?” Because if I went to America I knew I would have a community there already. A lot of my friends from elementary school went to that college. I knew I could get plugged in right away, but if I had chosen Korea I would have no control. He kept assuring me to trust Him and believe that He had plans not to harm me but to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). 

Here I am 4 years later, after He offered His hand and asking me “Do you trust me?” and me reaching for His saying “Yes.” Let me just say that this has been the craziest magic carpet ride that I have ever been on in my life! Reading my past journal entries of when I first came to Korea of how broken, depressed, and lonely I was and reading the progression of each encounter I had with Him through sermons and my New Philly family brought me to tears.

I felt like I was reading a novel, a story of a girl whose life seemed to be so perfect, but she was so broken inside. I was reading the journey of how she encountered her Prince who pursued her day in and day out. Who planned amazing things for her life, but she didn’t always trust him and sometimes went her own way. Each time she would come back He would still be on His knees waiting for her to accept the ring. When she finally said yes, He made her a Princess. The orphan girl who walked the streets of shame and doubt, He crowned her with His glory. As she learned to be a Princess she learned of more of His love for her. That she didn’t have to do everything perfectly, He loved her regardless. She could never fail in His eyes. The more she got to know her Prince the more she knew her true identity. She no longer fell for the lies that would be whispered to her. With each step she grew in influence and authority. She became a Princess full of boldness who realized that she was made to rule a Kingdom. She shined His light through the dark places of the Kingdom, she was sent binding up the broken hearted, proclaiming freedom for the captives and sharing the Good News that true love does exist. Although at times she would hear the lies that she wasn’t made for this, she would look back and see the faithfulness of her Prince. Her Prince that unconditionally loved her, and that was she needed to know to walk in her destiny.

I'm always in awe of how amazing He is and His love for me. I honestly had no clue what life would have been like in Korea 4 years ago, but I am SO glad I said YES! Yes to His plans, Yes to His promises, Yes to following Him! Life might get crazy, but I trust He writes the best stories EVER!

He'll Use My Story Too!

So for my last blog post I talked about how I ended up going to the clinic asking for more medicine for my allergic reactions when I didn’t know I actually got an anti-allergy shot already. 

 So I took the medicine to help with the healing process. On Thursday night as I was dragging my laundry basket to the dorm elevator to head to the laundry room a girl in the hallway approached me. She said “Do you have an antihistamine? I got an allergic reaction to something and it’s showing up in my face and I have trouble breathing.” At first I didn’t know what she was asking cuz I had no idea that allergy medicine was called that, but it took me a few seconds to realize that I ACTUALLY HAD ALLERGY MEDICINE!! I don’t really have a bad allergic reactions to the things I’m allergic to so I never actually possessed any sort of antihistamine in my life. So for her to ask me at that moment was crazy! I told her I had some and ran back to my room to get it. She said thank you and took it. After I came back up from putting my laundry in the machine I spotted her in the lounge and asked her how she was. She kept thanking me saying that she is feeling much better and could breathe a lot better too! 

I find it crazy that the only time in my life that I ever had to take allergy medicine was when someone around me so happen to need it! As I reflected on this situation I realized that we as Christians often think that what we did in the past was things God wanted us to go through so we can see His glory later on. As true as that is God wants to also redeem what we’ve done in the past. One thing I learned in Emmaus is that when we get hurt by relationships, relationships are the very thing that will heal us. Just like in my previous post I talked about how I basically went my own way trying to get rid of this allergy the quick way by getting medicine from the clinic. Thinking I wasted my money since I already paid for a shot (without knowing). When the truth is, my own ideal “quick fix” ended up saving someone’s life. Just in that same way I know that God also brings goods things out of the foolish things we’ve done in the past. Don’t feel ashamed about what you’ve done. Your testimony is a spirit of prophecy for others around you. So be encouraged, He will use your story one day to bless someone around you. :)

That's Right! I Already Have It!

So a situation this week , caused me to start up my blog again. I totally forgot why I started my blog in the first place. I wanted to share the experiences of my everyday life and bring hope to others around me. I forgot the joys of writing and hearing people blessed by what God shows me every single day. :)

So lately I’ve been going in and out of the hospital lately because of a mosquito bite that started getting infected and I had to get surgery for it (don’t worry it wasn’t anything major. It was like a 3 min surgery) I’m ok now. But this past week after eating at a Korean barbeque place for one of my friends’ birthday party I realized once I got home I got an allergic reaction to something I ate that night. The next morning the pain from my insect bite was getting unbearable so I had to go to the hospital to get it checked up. When I went to get my bite checked up the doctor saw the allergic reaction spread all over my leg. He asked if I was ok and I told him I got bit by a mosquito at the restaurant (which is what I thought I had). Before surgery I had to get three shots thinking it was anesthetic and just went on with surgery. The next day my allergic reaction spread all over to my neck so I decided to get it checked out and went to the clinic at school. They asked me a bunch of questions and gave me medicine. I had to get a checkup later that day because of my surgery and I asked my doctor if I can take my allergy medicine with the medicine I am currently drinking for recovery. He said he gave me shots for my allergies yesterday and asked if my allergies got better. I looked at my arm and realized it was much better compared to this morning. (Yes this conversation was all conducted in Korean and yes I was very proud of myself ^^)

That’s when it hit me. Many times in our Christian walks we think that when we see a sickness, or a negative pattern in our lives we want to anxiously fix it ourselves. We want to go strive to do more Quiet Time more, or pray more, (which is definitely not a bad thing) but I feel like these are things I do out of the mentality that I will somehow get a “quick fix” after doing it.  The more I did it I found that it won’t fully satisfy if you aren’t full in His presence. I realized that when I am in His presence as I get to know Him and He shows me the things that He has already given me. Like for instance I’ve been struggling with patience, instead of thinking I got to be more patient, I got to work on this work on that, read a verse to help me get through the next hour, I am realizing that being in His presence is waay more important. Being in His presence allows me to just sit and be. That’s the place where I get recharged and get revelations of His heart for that day. It is also the place where He shows me the things He’s already given me. This is where He shows me that I already have patience because the Holy Spirit is already inside of me! I don’t have to work for it, it’s just about unlocking it by putting it into practice in my life.

                Just like my allergic reaction I went to go seek out more medicine not knowing I was already being healed from the inside. In the same way I am reminded that my healing doesn’t come from me trying to “fix me” but rather from the Healer Himself. :)

Missions on my Mind

Hello Friends and Family!

If you have facebook you may have recently I have been posting up about going on Missions with my church New Philadelphia Church, here in Seoul. Our church is sending out people to minister to 5 different nations, namely San Francisco/ Las Vegas, America, Jakarta, Indonesia, West Papua, Indonesia, General Santos, Philippines and Tokyo, Japan. I have the great opportunity to go back to my very own nation and minister to the people in General Santos. This is indeed the FIRST missions trip I will be embarking on. And yes, I have not gone to any prior to this one, despite what people may think ;) I have always wanted to go on missions and each time I’ve attempted to go God gently shut the doors and told me to wait patiently. This summer down to every detail from where I’m supposed to live to living expenses He planned it all. So I knew for a fact that He wanted me to go.

                Each week all the teams had to go through missions training, going through one seminar after the next preparing for what we would see in the field. At first I was just excited to learn about how to minister on the field and things like that, but what I didn’t notice right away was the things happening beneath the surface. God was changing me. When I first went back to the Philippines at the age of 11 from Korea, I felt rejected by my own country people. They didn’t accept me because I couldn’t speak the language very well and cuz I sounded too “American”. I even had family members make fun of me for not knowing about my culture. To be honest I don’t remember that time very much cuz I probably didn’t want to remember it. Long story short I didn’t realize that I was jaded by my own culture. I always thought the reason I didn’t know much about the Philippines was because I didn’t grow up there, but as I went down on this journey God showed me it was my fear of being rejected. As a missions team we were given different activities to bond as a group. We went to a Filipino restaurant, watched a Filipino documentary, and went to the JJB amongst other things. Through those experiences I saw my team ask various questions about my culture, and pray for my country. The more I saw their passion to serve my very own people, the more I saw God’s heart for my people. Through my team members I saw God’s love for my people as they passionately prayed for my country. It blessed me so much to see how much they cared for my people. I knew going on missions was something God has called me to, but I didn’t expect inner healing to take place even before this trip. If God is already showing things to before the trip how much more AFTER the actual trip?! I am seriously so excited!!

If you would like to keep us in your prayers you can check out our updates as well as other missions trip’s updates at our New Philly facebook page here. Thank you all for those who financially supported me and are already partnered with me in prayer! I am very grateful for this amazing opportunity to share the Good News back home. :)

If you would like to read our testimonies please click on the link below.

http://support.newphilly.cc/gensan2013

Wrapping up!

This semester has been a pretty incredible one for me. I've learned so much about the authority that I carry as well as the dreams God has placed inside my heart years and years ago. Every step I took I knew I stepped closer to the depths of His love It has been quite the stretching journey for me this past 6 months, but honestly I can’t wait to be stretched even more this summer! With missions coming up I am so excited to see a part of His heart in the nation of The Philippines. Yup! That’s right I’m going to my motherland for missions!!! More on that later, but here’s a recap video made by John Matthew Ko (an Emmaus Staff) of what went on this semester! Enjoy and be blessed! :)

Click here to watch the video. 

Safe in this House

This past week I had the honor and privilege to share my testimony at our annual church wide retreat! It was an exciting event where all four of New Philly's campuses came together for a weekend and worshiped under the same roof! It was so full of God's Presence; it was amazing! I ended up sharing on the first night and not everyone was there to hear it. So this is for everyone who asked me for it. :)

 Hi I’m Marie Suazo; I am currently a college student at Yonsei University and attending New Philly’s campus ministry: Emmaus. I grew up in a Christian family and has been living the “Christian life” from an early age, and since I was also born to parents who were diplomats, no matter where we moved around in the world whether it be Seoul, Cairo, or Manila, I was always put into Christian schools and going to church was always a part of our agenda. When I was younger I remembered having such an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. I would talk to Him day in and day out, just telling him of what I did through the day. Through His word and through prayer I could clearly hear what He was speaking to me that day. I remembered a time where I lied to my mother about eating an extra cookie and the next thing I knew I couldn’t hear His voice. I freaked out! To me it was like I got into a fight with my best friend and now we weren’t talking. For a 5 year old it was like my world was coming to an end. Thankfully the next day at school they talked about how sin is like a wall that keeps us from hearing God’s voice and all we had to do was repent from it and we could hear Him again.  Fully trusting my teachers, I went home repenting for lying to my mother and low and behold I could hear Him again! Praise God! Although I did enjoy growing up in church, having diplomatic parents wasn’t always easy. They were amazing godly parents, but I felt  like they wanted me to to act a certain way in front of certain people in their world. So I in return felt pressured to play a part, to act in ways the world expected me to. I did not know that this pressure somehow seeped into my Spiritual life as well.

Fast forwarding to years later, when we moved to Egypt for high school, I was involved in various church ministries. I was even given the opportunity to take leadership training to lead a small group as a freshman. My whole life revolved around the church and never really had a heart for things all my other friends had like dating, partying, and smoking because I genuinely loved being in with other believers. As more responsibilities were given to me, I subconsciously found myself playing another role. Because of I thought people expected things from me I would always put myself in positions for people to rely on me. Needless to say everyone around me thought my life was perfect. Since I was such a “goody two shoes” I never got in trouble nor did I fear authority either.  The adults that were involved in my life were so loving I didn’t feel ashamed to share what I was actually going. I was always very cheerful and happy no matter where I went even in school. I was the kind of student that would raise my hand excited to answer questions. Until one day I got a grade I didn't think I deserved and was not really excited to answer questions like I usually do. I just sat there and quietly listened to the lesson. That weekend at church the school principal came to me and told me that I was in trouble for "disrespecting my teacher" because I didn’t speak up and she told me to write an apologetic letter to her. I felt so hurt by her words and walked away crying. I knew I didn't do anything wrong, but shame still filled me thinking I didn’t reach their expectations. I felt so guilty that I decided never to do anything to disappoint people in authority ever again. So I put an even thicker mask on myself  and submitted under authority with no questions asked, thinking that I wouldn’t let them down if I did what I was told.

When I was called to move back to Korea for college and became a part of Emmaus, I realized how thick of a stronghold the fear of authority had over me. When my leaders would ask if I was free to hang out, I would immediately think that I did something wrong, and thought of all the things in the past week I felt like I messed up in. I feared authority so much to the point that when I became a student leader I would have one-on-ones with my leaders and I would assumed that they called me out because I messed up or wanted to rebuke me. They never did, they just loved on me. All this fear was rooted in the fact that I thought they expected perfection from me. My Emmaus leaders played such a crucial role earlier in college. I remembered one time when Pastor Erin asked to see all the staff after a large group. Jae Hee 언니 (older sister) said “Ok, PE.” She said it with such freedom, I couldn’t understand. If Pastor Erin said that to me I would have automatically thought that I did something wrong. It was not long after that Pastor Erin preached on rebuke and how it was actually life giving. When a leader rebukes you, she said they are actually saying “You are acting out of the flesh, That’s not of you.” Not “You’re not living up to what you are expected.” She also mentioned that getting a rebuke will actually take me to new levels of my faith. Although I didn't fully understand it, that message began to open up my heart to realize that the leaders did not actually expect things from me. It was a difficult concept for me to grasp, because I lived my whole life full of guilt thinking that I let God down each time I didn’t do things His way. And now these people want me to live in freedom? I just didn’t get it. I thought Christianity was doing things because He first loved us, but then after that we just need to abide by His laws and that was it. It was at this point the masks I put on slowly melted away. By each passing day I chose to believe that my leaders loved me and they didn’t expect anything from me.

When Rona became my Discipler, I was so scared to be rebuked by her. Not because she was a scary leader, but because I didn’t want to disappoint her. Eventually the Holy Spirit lead me to tell her about my past experience with authority. She prayed over me and broke off all strongholds that kept me in that mind-set. I didn’t really feel anything then, but I knew that something was different from the way that I interacted with the leaders. I no longer thought that they were “out to rebuke the life out of me,” but I knew that they were there to love me regardless of what I did.

               A year later Pastor David Ahn asked me if he could talk to me briefly after large group. My initial thought was, “oh my gosh, I messed up again.” But then I caught it, rebuked that lie and believed that whatever he has to say, he will say it in love and won't judge me for it. He talked to me about an incident and lovingly said that he didn’t think that what I did was the most loving thing to do. At that moment I began to cry, not because I felt the same hurt again, but because I felt nothing...I didn’t feel ashamed, I didn’t feel guilty, and I didn’t feel like I had to change myself at all. I felt so safe, so loved by his words that I felt like it was directly from the Father. 

I knew at that moment the fear of authority has been completely broken off of me and that God loves me just the way I am. It was through my New Philly family that really showed me that I didn’t have to play a role; I didn’t have to hide behind a mask. They loved me just the way I was and showed me the love of my Heavenly Father that I experienced a long time ago.  It was then that I knew I was safe in this house. 

If you are interested  you can check out the pictures and the messages that went out on our New Philadelphia Church facebook page. :)

These are my thoughts

As I read my past blog entries from my freshman year of college, I feel like I am reading into the life of a totally different person. Three years ago I felt worthless, unloved, depressed, and very lonely. I remembered walking down the street outside of campus hearing the chatter of people around me thinking they were talking bad about me. I know this sounds a tad dramatic, but let me assure you that all of it is true. It wasn't a mindset I chose to start thinking in, it just happened when I believed a lie. 

When you are pulled from your comfort zone, something you have been familiar with for so long, the tendency is that what you believe in is all put to the test. Things you thought you knew about yourself will go through the fire, and if it doesn't withstand it, it will burn. And just like any situation in life that's what happened with me. 

When I came to Korea for the first time in eight years I was excited. I'm not going to lie, I was looking forward to see familiar things from my childhood. Eating legit Korean food that I haven't had in a long time and even meeting people I knew. The amusement quickly died down when I started college and realized that my mom would leave me to go back to Egypt and I would be all alone. My family has left me once to go ahead of me to Egypt while I tried to finish my school year in the Philippines, but they left me in our house with my aunt and my cousin. So it wasn't too much of a change, but this time my world went upside down when everything was new and I was the only thing familiar to me. 

I later found out that although my college was a Christian college, it was known as one of the top party schools in Korea and every single orientation I attended invited all the incoming freshman to go clubbing and drinking afterwards. This frustrated me a lot! Because God called me to Korea! He was the one that wanted me to attend this specific college! He was the one that promised that He would provide and He has so much in store for me here. Where was all that? Where was the community He promised? Where is the slightest hint of His presence in these people? I couldn't find any of it anywhere! 

Last week one of our pastors at church preached on loneliness. So yes I did not just open a can of worms for no reason. The sermon really made me think back to when I was lonely and going through a hard time. I still get lonely here and there, it's a lot different from what it used to be.

As I sat through the sermon one thing really hit me, she said that we all experience that feeling in our life, because we feel like we lack something in our lives. Just like hunger and thirst. It is something we were made to crave in our lives. She said we were made for intimacy. That's why we get lonely, we need intimacy! We were made for community and intimacy with Him. So interesting that she put it in the sense. 

Now 3 years later as I sat through that sermon what she spoke of resonated in my heart. I looked at the people around me and knew that this was my family and that there was a reason I am here. These people were the ones that walked me through every step, and broke off every lie that the enemy was speaking about my worth. It was this family that open heartily embraced a hurting girl and loved on her the way Christ would. It was through that love that I no longer saw myself as lonely. In the sermon she mentioned that God always puts the lonely into families and I couldn't agree more. 

Dear friends, you are a part of a much bigger family. Know that you are not alone in any circumstance. 

Blessings and Love,

Marie

It's not just about me

Later in the year 2012 I had shared that in my blog I was lead to walk down a different path than I used to before. Maybe I was expecting I would be walking the same path that, but God threw a curve ball down my alley, I don't know, maybe, but for whatever the reason it really did let me grow. To get specific about it I, along with one of the leaders from Emmaus, was sent out to reach out to another area of my university. This area was an area I was very familiar with. Not only because I knew about it, but because that was basically where I went to every single day all day. It was the International Division of the campus. This is where all the English speaking students whose classes are all in English basically spent all their days. Needless to say, it was one area of my life that I have grown to ignore due to the focus I had on not only reaching students at Emmaus (which mostly composed of Exchange students) but solely focusing only on the exchange students alone. On campus, unless you've taken a class with me, I would probably be the kind of girl that would be invisible in high school. The one that no one knew about other than the fact that I apparently go to the same school. With this reputation that I've slowly, but unintentionally obtain I was having a hard time break out of that bubble. It's not like I wanted that reputation to be on me, it just came, and I was too busy with Emmaus events to go to any school events. Which in my defense I did not want to go to, knowing that a lot of it involved clubbing and drinking. I honestly didn't want to be a part of it. If I had known my college was a party school to begin with I might have had doubts about coming here in the first place. But God is good, and He is always on time. Listening to the sermon I heard in church last week. No matter what goes on in my life, He is in control and whatever comes was His timing.

Let met rewind back a few months to when I found out I would be sent. I found out during our Staff and Student leader meeting that not only was I being sent, but my small group would ONLY be compose of those International Students and this semester would be solely focused on reaching out to them. Funny thing was, as excited as I was to find out our new assignments this semester I told the Lord that I would do anything He gave me with excellence; not actually knowing what I was getting myself into. At first I was excited, and then shocked, then the reality hit me not only was I the only student leader doing this, but I was the only STUDENT doing this. It never occurred to me that I wouldn't have a small group to lead on, nor have any specific people to pour into their lives. I felt so unstable. I didn't know what to do.

Many times I found myself crying each time people asked me "Who's in your famila?" or even a simple "How are you?" For some weird reason every time our worship leader at Emmaus asked me how I was doing. I would break down in tears just expressing how difficult it was being so willing to do ministry and serve others but not seeing or meeting the people that God has already picked out. Long story short God really challenged my faith that semester, but molding my heart to be more like His. He allowed me to wait for His timing and perfect will to bring the increase. That semester was one of the craziest semester I've had in regards to Divine Appointments. Just random, totally out of this world Divine Appointments with International Students all throughout campus, when I'm grocery shopping, going to a dinner banquet, having a conversation with someone just because we were going the same direction. It was insane! In a good way!

Fast forwarding to the present, before Emmaus large group I knew that God was going to show up powerfully to all the students that would come. I came expectant and excited to see what God would do in those few hours, not knowing that I was going to be blessed too. That night in particular I knew a few UIC students were coming I just wasn't sure who. As worship began I ushered people into the sanctuary and into their seats, to my surprise it was the very same people I had Divine Appointments with in the past. I was so floored thinking that God was going to bring the increase in that way! Every tears that was shed through prayers became so worth it as I saw the lives that were being blessed at the altar. It was such a beautiful thing to see the promises of God come true! I was such in awe just to see how God continues over and over again to surprise me with amazing things! Thank you God! 

I knew that without the previous semester I would not have felt as thankful to the Lord if this happened then. Because I expected it, to be honest I feel like I would have demanded it from God than anything else. I remember last semester having a conversation with Him about why He wouldn't bring the increase. He replied in His still gentle voice. "I can bring the increase right now, but what's in it for you?" I dwelt on that word for a long time before I fully understood what He was saying. It was hard for me to accept that that season was really a time for my growth, and that He knew what He was doing. Although it was a very difficult season I am thankful now for that time, because not only did I get to see the fruit, but I took part in sowing the seeds and celebrating alongside with them seeing the things God has done. It's not just about me, it's bigger than me.

Thankful for His promises.